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you’ll always be a part of me (I’m a part of you indefinitely)

Title: you’ll always be a part of me (I’m a part of you indefinitely)
Author: enablelove
Rating: R
Warnings: Unapologetic Schmoop.
Word Count: 8124
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Summary: Jared and Jensen want to have a baby. This is the tale of the process. Of the pain, the heartache, the happy ever after.
Disclaimer: These gorgeous boys aren’t mine, no matter how much I wish they were. They belong to themselves and each other and this isn’t true, probably.
Beta: bekkis is a godsend. Thanks baby. All other remaining mistakes are mine. (thank you to matalinolukaret for everything. You are the savior of this fic. And thank you to mnemosime as well <3)
A/N: This is for billysgirl5 who won me for Sweet Charity! She wanted I really would like to see them taking home their first adopted child, preferably a newborn girl. I was hoping for kinda angsty, but still schmoopy fic.. This is part of the Five Times Jared Couldn't Resist Kissing Jensen 'verse. Reading it is helpful, but not necessary. Title from Mariah Carey’s ‘You’ll Always By My Baby’



Deciding that they want to have kids is easy. Actually getting a kid is probably the most difficult thing that Jared and Jensen have ever had to go through.

Picking an agency itself isn’t that hard because Tom and Jamie passed them one that worked for them when that seemed like the option they wanted. They happen to find a lawyer that specializes in gay and lesbian adoptions with a very high success rate and hire him just in case. Jared and Jensen go to their first consultation, both of them nervous and holding each other’s hands, palms sweaty between them. They exchange nervous glances as they step inside the office doors and wait in the waiting area until their names are called, hands still clenched together.

Their name is called and they both get up together, walking in sync toward their future. They enter their consultant’s office and Jared can see she’s professional yet personal, from the way she’s dressed and the little items and pictures over her desk.

She stands up to shake their hands and they both shake hers.

“Good afternoon Mr. and Mr. Padalecki-Ackles. I’m very excited to be working with you all today and hopefully for a while. My name is Katy Russell.”

Jared and Jensen both nod at her and say they’re pleased as well before they sit down and get to business. Katy presents a lot of information and forms that need to be filled out. Jared feels kind of overwhelmed with all the material and a glance at Jensen confirms that he feels the same way, eyes wide and darting all over the print on the pages in front of him.

Jared grabs Jensen’s hand and squeezes, and Jensen shoots him a smile that’s half thanks and half we can do this. Jared takes a deep breath and relaxes, because they can do this. They’ve both talked about it, they’ve researched as much as they possibly could without their eyes rolling out of their heads, and they’re as close to ready as they can be.

They tell Katy thank you and get in the car to drive back home, forms and paperwork in tow. They’re both silent during the drive, but it’s comfortable. They’re going to be parents. It hits Jared, right then in the car, that he’s going to be responsible for someone. That he’s going to be called ‘Daddy’. That some little baby is going to look up to him and depend on him and love him. His breathing turns shallow as he pictures the baby crying every time he or she lays eyes on Jared. Jared doesn’t even realize Jensen’s pulled over until he feels Jensen rubbing his hands up and down Jared’s arms.

“Jared? You okay there, man?”

Jared shakes his head. He’s not okay. He can’t do this.

“What? I thought we talked about this.”

Jared looks up at that, realizing he said the last part out loud.

“Jensen, you can. But me? What if the kid hates me? I can’t take care of a little baby. I can’t be responsible for it. What if I mess up?”

Jensen stops rubbing and a small smile comes over his face, the smile Jared absolutely adores because it’s private. It’s saved for when Jensen’s laughing at him and looking at him fondly. Jared’s okay with being laughed at if Jensen smiles like that.

“Shut up,” Jared says, kind of petulantly but at the same time not really meaning it.

“You’re adorable. Jay, we can do this. It’s you and me man. I know for a fact you’re going to be an amazing dad. Our little baby is going to be extremely lucky to have you okay? Stop freaking out. You…you do want this don’t you? I don’t want to force this, we can wait.”

Jensen’s so earnest, so willing to do whatever Jared wants that Jared realizes what an idiot he’s being. He knows how much Jensen wants a little baby girl. How he wants to spoil and cuddle and teach her. How much he wants to be a father. And Jared does too, especially if it’s with Jensen. Because Jensen would never let him down. And Jensen is going to be the best dad there is.

“Yeah, Jen, I really want this. Sorry, guess I just got cold feet there.”

A flash of relief goes through Jensen’s eyes and Jared is glad he said that, because he is ready. Or he will find a way to be. Because he does want this. He wants their kid to call him daddy. He wants to spoil him or her absolutely rotten. He’d love to show his little boy or girl how to play sports and cook and play pranks on Jensen. He can’t wait. He just needed Jensen’s reassurance.

Jensen grasps Jared’s hands and presses a soft kiss to the knuckles before facing forward again and continuing to drive home.

+

Jensen’s so worried when Jared starts to freak out about having the baby. He can wait for whenever Jared’s ready, because he doesn’t want any baby they have to have to go through a parent not wanting it, but he really wants this. He tries not to force Jared into it, but just tells him he’s going to be an awesome dad, which he is. Jensen’s seen him with his niece and how he pretty much adores her since the day she was born. Jensen has a feeling that if they get a little girl, she’s going to have both her daddies wrapped around her finger. But they won’t mind one little bit. They get home and Jensen takes the forms and other papers and puts them on the kitchen table while Jared rubs the bellies and scratches the ears of Harley and Sadie who are excited to see them.

Jensen goes back to play with the dogs too, rolling with them and laughing as they slobber all over him. Jensen’s come to love the ginormous mutts and can’t imagine his life without them anymore. The first day Jared introduced his dogs they jumped on him and knocked him over. It was just their way of saying Welcome to the pack. Jensen should have known that day just what he was getting into. But he doesn’t mind their barks and slobber and huge teeth. They are pretty harmless actually, just two huge puppies. Kind of like their master.

+

As Jensen is playing with the dogs, Jared’s thoughts stray to how the big dogs will react to having a baby around. Harley would probably think it’s a new toy and would attempt to play with it or he’d think it’s something else and would whimper and run away in fear. Sadie, though, is different. Jared’s girl would probably treat the baby better than as if it was her own. She’d guard it like the alpha female she is.

Jared shakes that train of thought out and his eyes travel to Jensen who looks just as happy, and Jared can’t help but lean over and kiss him. Jensen’s hands fly to his hair and Jared moans as Jensen cards his fingers through his thick mop. He loves when Jensen plays with his hair, massaging his scalp. He knows Jensen loves running his fingers through it too, something about how soft it is. Jared always has to remind him it’s because of the conditioner that Jensen constantly complains is hogging up space in the shower.

“What was that for?” Jensen asks as they finally pull apart, gasping a little from lack of oxygen.

Jared shrugs.

“Just felt like it.”

Jensen shakes his head but leans in for another light peck before finally standing up and dragging Jared up with him. The dogs are finally calm and go find something else to amuse them as Jared and Jensen sit at the kitchen table to properly look over the material. They don’t talk much, quietly filling out forms as their thighs brush against each other while they read and mark stuff down. They don’t rush through it, not wanting to have to do it all over again. They are careful and as concise as possible in what they fill out.

+

Jensen’s filling the forms out because according to Jared, he writes like a girl, thus he should fill out the forms. Jensen calls him a bitch and shows him just how much of a girl he isn’t by wrestling him to the ground, but he’s still stuck writing. It’s only because his writing can still actually be read while Jared’s handwriting is pretty much illegible.

When they reach the occupation to prove they can support a child, the pen hovers above the page. Right now their jobs are kind of up in the air. Jensen wants to go and direct movies. He wants something new, something he can sink his teeth into. Jensen knows Jared isn’t in any big hurry to get out there, even though it’s been awhile since Supernatural. They’ve both done a couple of small roles and small movies, nothing too big. They’re not that famous yet, and neither of them wants to be. They just want to do something they love and be good at it. He knows that Jared is content to stay at home with the baby, but Jensen wants to stay at home and see their baby grow up too. Jared suddenly takes the pen from Jensen’s hand and fills out the blanks.

Parent 1: Director
Parent 2: Producer


Jensen’s eyes flick to Jared’s, silently asking the question.

“We’ll figure it out okay? We can both not work for awhile and just raise our baby if that’s what it takes.”

Jensen nods, agreeing with him. Our baby. It has such a nice ring to it and something warm curls in Jensen’s belly. They finish filling out the forms, and Jensen complains about the cramp in his hands after writing for hours, trying to milk it. Jared just calls him a big baby and Jensen pouts at him, knowing Jared can’t resist his pout. Jensen can’t resist Jared’s and really, their kid is going to be the most spoiled child ever once he/she learns to pout. Both daddies would be unable to say no. Jared rolls his eyes at him but pulls Jensen’s hand close and massages it, putting pressure on the fingers, one by one, and rubbing it gently. Jensen sighs in contentment and Jared pulls his finger, hearing the crack of the knuckle and Jared cackles at Jensen’s indignant face when his eyes fly open.

+

“You fucker,” Jensen breathes as he tries to hit Jared, but Jared’s lived with Jensen long enough to know all his moves and laughs as he darts away from Jensen’s hand and runs upstairs. He hears Jensen following him, cursing his names, and that just makes him laugh harder.

He finally reaches their room, but apparently miscalculated Jensen’s speed as he’s pushed onto the bed, Jensen straddling his lower back. Jensen grabs Jared’s arm and twists, not enough to hurt, but very uncomfortable.

“Say you’re sorry,” Jensen warns and laughter bubbles in Jared’s chest as he tries to get away. Technically he could probably throw Jensen off, but he won’t. Jared shakes his head, not uttering those words Jensen wants and Jensen twists a little more and Jared can’t help it.

“Sorry, sorry. Shit, Jensen I said sorry!” Jared says and Jensen releases him, still on top of him.

He leans down to whisper in Jared’s ear, “Revenge is sweet.”

Jared flips them over, noting Jensen’s wide surprised eyes as Jared hovers above him.

“It sure is,” Jared says before leaning down to catch Jensen’s lips in a bruising kiss. Clothes are frantically torn off and they rut against each other, kissing messily. They both come with shouts of each other’s names and Jared gets up gingerly, making a face at the stickiness between them. He wets a washcloth and cleans them both off before they both curl into bed, dreams of cribs and baby toys and cries and diapers filling his brain.

~

They go back to the agency the following morning. They’re even more nervous now that the forms are filled out and they are moving in the right direction. They meet Katy again and they both sit down while she peruses the forms. Jared bites his lips, waiting for her to say something like No, you idiots! or No child would want you as parents and other things like that. But he is pleasantly surprised when she looks up with a smile instead.

“This looks perfect! Anybody would be lucky to have you. So you know how this works yes? The mothers of the children take a look at the applicants and we arrange a meeting once they’ve picked someone. Then they get a little while to decide on whether or not they want you to be the parents and give their child away. Usually the mother picks on the first interview, but she may want more time or more meetings. It’s all up to her.”

Jared and Jensen both nod that they understand and with another bright smile and handshake they leave, waiting for the day they get the phone call.

Jared and Jensen try to fill their time by looking for new projects to work on while they wait for a word from the agency. It’s been months and they get really snippy at each other because they haven’t heard back. They fight about everything from what kinds of projects they want to who is going to make breakfast to what position they sleep in. It’s useless and Jared knows he’s just misplacing his frustration onto Jensen. He can’t help it and he tries to convey his apology in his soft kisses.

+

Jensen hates getting into the petty fights with Jared but at this point they seem unavoidable. He’s so worried about none of the mothers liking him and Jared, and it’s not that he blames Jared, by any means, but it’d probably be easier if they weren’t a gay couple. But then he feels guilty because that would mean not having Jared in his life. And if there’s one thing that’s easy, it’s Jared. Jared makes his whole life better and Jensen can’t even believe he thought that. Which makes him try to not pick any fights, because getting upset with Jared of all people just isn’t worth it.

So of course, that’s exactly when the phone call comes. When both of them are normal again, trying to put the phone call out of their minds, and just going on with life. Jensen’s been in touch with a friend of a friend who has a great script that he can’t wait to get his hands on.

He sees the agency’s number on the caller id and calls Jared over. Jared looks at him, then at the screen, then back at him. He finally grabs it out of his hand when Jensen makes no move to answer it.

“Hello?” he says, positioning the phone so both of them can hear it.

“Mr. Padalecki-Ackles?” It’s Katy.

“Yes, it’s us.”

“I have some great news for you both.”

Jensen’s hand drops to grasp Jared’s tight. This is it.

“We found someone who was interested and she wants to meet you both.” Katy says.

Jensen squeezes Jared’s hand even tighter. It starts to hurt but he can’t let go. This could be the mother of his child. They have to make an awesome impression on her to consider giving her baby to them.

She goes over some more details but Jensen can barely hear over the roaring in his ears. He really hopes that Jared is paying attention because all he could do was mentally freak out.

+

Jared listens intently to the phone conversation, mentally making notes of what they need to do. He can tell Jensen’s lost in his own world by the way his grip has loosened and his eyes are kind of glazed over.

“Thank you Mr. Padalecki-Ackles and we hope that everything works out well for you and the expectant mother.”

You and me both Jared thinks, almost shaking with nerves and excitement.

They both say they respective goodbyes and Jared hangs up the phone, turning so he’s directly in front of Jensen. He tilts Jensen’s chin up so he can look him in the eyes and Jensen finally blinks out of his stupor.

“One week,” Jared says, “we’ll meet her in one week.”

Jensen’s eyes widen and Jared leans in for a kiss, Jensen clutching at him almost desperately. Jensen’s hands tangle in Jared’s hair and Jared kisses him back just as desperately. They rip each other’s clothes off frantically, wanting skin-to-skin contact. Jared kisses his way down Jensen’s body, preparing him with spit slick fingers.

He spits in his hand, trying to get it wet. He positions himself and makes sure Jensen is ready and Jensen nods at him. He thrusts in, as slow as possible to let Jensen get adjusted. It’s tighter than usual with just spit slicking the way but Jensen reacts much the same way, moaning his name and arching so Jared’s in even deeper.

“C’mon baby,” Jensen urges, “I wanna feel you in me.”

Jared obliges and presses in deeper until he can’t go anymore. He leans down and captures Jensen’s lips in a dirty kiss, all tongues and teeth and spit.

It doesn’t take long for both of them to come, already desperate and on edge from the sheer relief.

Jared falls on top of Jensen, his arms giving out, and he kisses the sweat soaked skin of Jensen’s neck, licking and biting a little. Jensen shifts so that Jared has more access even as he’s complaining of how heavy Jared is.

“Shut up, you love it.” Jared says and Jensen’s silent because Jared knows that yeah, he does.

Jensen’s fingers stroke along Jared’s sweaty back, drawing random shapes and patterns with blunt nails. It tickles, but Jared can’t get the will to move, Jensen just laughs at him and pushes him away, cleaning them both with the sheet, too lazy to get a wet washcloth. It’ll hurt like a bitch later, but for now Jared’s sleepy and sated and just curls up next to Jensen, ready to sleep for a week, thoughts of meeting the hopefully future mother of their child next week.

~

Less than a week later they find themselves frantically cleaning and baby proofing and making sure their house looks like it would be comfortable for a baby. It’s a lot of work and sweat and Jensen kind of just wants to fall into bed for a week. But the expectant mom is coming and there is no time for sleep. It’s not like their house is messy or unsafe, but when Jensen is nervous, he’s anal about cleaning.

Jared usually just laughs and teases, but even he knows better than to get in Jensen’s way and just meekly helps. Jared, on the other hand, cooks all week, filling their fridge with leftovers and their pantry and countertops with snacks and baked goods. It’s not like they don’t cook, either, it’s just more convenient to order out. But with Jared, he cooks and Jensen cleans. It’s a symbiotic relationship and it works.

So after tidying everything up and being dirty and grimy and sore and covered in various food stuffs, they both get into the shower and gently clean each other off, trading slow kisses against the warm spray. It’s their way of relaxing and calming their nerves. They dry each other off and fall onto the bed together. They worship each other’s bodies, soft kisses and kitten licks on every inch of skin. Jensen slowly prepares and enters Jared, their eyes never leaving each other. Then it gets fast and messy and dirty and mind-blowingly amazing as they both come, screaming each other’s names. That’s another thing that’s going to have to change. No more loud screaming in the throes of passion.

They’ll have to be careful now, but it’ll be worth it. They fall asleep, bodies pressed against each other. Jensen’s head lies on Jared’s chest, listening to the beat of his heart and trying to match it with his own. They’re going to be okay. Tomorrow the expectant mother will come and love them and the house and the dogs and agree. Jensen prays that night from the bottom of his heart, never wanting anything more than he does in that moment.

+

Jared wakes up early the next morning, hyper aware of what day it is and how important it is that the mom likes them. He gently untangles himself from Jensen, smiling as Jensen instantly curls up in the spot Jared just vacated with a snuffle. He’s adorable when he’s asleep, no worry lines or frown on his face. Jared brushes a soft kiss against his temple and pulls on his pajama pants to head downstairs and makes coffee. The dogs bark at him and he lets them out with a yawn, pouring water and food for them as they rush back inside making a whole lot of noise. Jared isn’t worried Jensen will wake up though. Not after years of sleeping through this morning ritual.

The smell of coffee and the thought of what the today is going to bring is enough to make Jensen come down the stairs, bleary eyed with his glasses and hair in disarray. He has on the shirt Jared was wearing yesterday as well as his boxers on, but that’s it. A flare of want rises in Jared’s belly at seeing Jensen in his clothes, even after all these years of Jensen doing the exact same thing – shirts, hoodies, pajamas, even boxers and underwear. He looks adorable with a pout on his face like the morning is evil for even existing. Before he can get to his first cup of life’s elixir, though, Jared grabs hold of him and kisses him – deep and thorough. Jensen tastes of mint, so at least he brushed. Jensen opens his mouth and kisses back before pushing Jared away and grunting,

“Coffee.”

Jared gives him the cup of coffee he had set out for him, one sugar and no milk. Jared still can’t understand how Jensen can swallow the stuff. His own coffee is doused with cream and sugar and some chocolate powder, as well as a hint of cinnamon on some days. Jensen drinks the first mug greedily, holding his mug out for more and Jared rolls his eyes as he pours him some more coffee, stirring in a spoonful of sugar. Jensen moans in contentment and sets it down at the table.

Jared goes to the fridge and opens it and Jensen whistles behind him.

“’S a lot of food Jay,” he says, clear laughter in his voice.

Jared looks behind his shoulder and sends him a mock glare.

“Shut up, I was nervous. The house is extremely clean so I’m not the only one Mr. Perfect.”

Jensen shrugs, not denying the fact and suddenly it’s tense again. Jared turns back to the fridge and pulls out the quiche he had made the day before. He heats it as Jensen sets the table and they both sit down to eat. They read the paper, Jensen with sports and Jared with comics before switching. Their feet tangle under the table and it’s like a normal day. Except with the visit hanging over their heads. They finish eating and clean the dishes together, side by side at the sink, hips bumping against each other and splashing water at each other and laughing, breaking the tension.

+

The fear and worry hovering over Jensen and Jared’s heads isn’t very conductive to making a good impression. Jensen tries to relax and flicks some water at Jared who looks outraged. Jared thwaps the wet towel against Jensen’s ass and it’s so on. Jensen grabs the spray and sprays water at Jared and laughs because Jared looks like a drowned puppy, floppy hair in his eyes and a pout on his face. He kisses the pout away and leads them both to get dried off and ready.

They dress in nice clothes, dark slacks and button downs, Jensen in a mint that makes his eyes even greener (or so Jared says) and Jared in an emerald that makes the flecks of the shade pop in his gorgeous eyes. The only reason Jared actually wore a non-pink shirt was because Jensen made him promise with sexual favors.

Jensen looks up and down Jared’s body and is considering telling the mom to come in a bit later when the doorbell rings. Jared looks over at him and smirks, like he knows exactly what Jensen is thinking and then the bastard winks at him before sauntering out the door and down the stairs, shaking his hips teasingly. Jensen takes a deep breath and heads down behind him just as Jared opens the door letting her in.

Jensen takes one look at her and can’t help but imagine the baby. She has bright green eyes and dimples. It’s like the perfect match and now Jensen is even more eager for her to say yes and pick them.

“Sophia,” she says, holding out her hand.

Jared, the goof, shakes her, keeping care of her huge belly and she’s surprised at first but laughs and hugs back. Jensen shakes her hand, not quite ready for the full body hug yet.

“Come in,” Jensen ushers her in, and locks the door behind her. He and Jared exchange glances and Jensen instantly calms down. They’re gonna be okay, how could she not love them.

They show her around the place and Jensen’s instantly glad Jared put the dogs in the backyard because they’d probably knock her over in their excitement at a new person. They’re playing outside and barking and having fun.

“Those are some huge dogs,” Sophia remarks and Jensen’s afraid that means that she think they’re going to eat the baby or something.

“They’re harmless,” he hastens to say, because they really are.

She looks over at him and there’s a twinkle in her eye like she’s just teasing.

“I know, they’ll be great guard dogs. I love the house and the backyard is amazing.”

Jensen shrugs and looks down, knowing he’s blushing red. Jared’s hand strokes along his back and Jensen relaxes into his touch, looking up and seeing that Sophia has noticed and is smiling fondly at them. A good sign he thinks.

+

Jared has good feelings when Sophia leaves. They had lunch together and she asked a lot of questions and seemed very pleased with their answers. When she leaves, she does say she’d be in touch so that raises some hope in Jared that maybe this will end happily.

Katy, their consultant, calls them a few days letter and gives them even more good news.

“She’s agreed! She wants to meet again and get to know you boys even more.”

She sounds excited for them and Jared can’t even say anything on the phone. He just grips Jensen’s hand in and iron-tight hold and says that they can’t wait or something to that extent.

When he hangs up, he knows he has a dazed smile on his face and Jensen squeezes his hand, an expectant look covering his features.

“She likes us. Jen…we’re gonna have a baby.”

Jensen’s mouth opens in surprise and his eyes widen in shock. He leans forward and hugs Jared as hard as he can and Jared can’t do anything but bring his arms around Jensen and hug him back just as tight. He nuzzles into Jensen’s neck and if Jensen feels any wetness from Jared’s tears, he’s not going to say anything.

They stay like that for long moments before Jensen leans back to pull Jared’s head down and press their lips together into a kiss. Tongues collide and battle each other as they pour relief and anticipation and love into that one kiss.

Jared pushes Jensen against the nearest wall and kisses him harder, then lets his lips wander to Jensen’s neck and bites and sucks marks there. Jensen tilts his head to grants Jared more access, loving the ache and bruises when he presses his fingers there later. A reminder of Jared. Jared moves back to Jensen’s lips and kisses him again; finally leaning back to get some much needed oxygen. Jensen’s eyes are bright and almost sparkle and his lips are swollen and red. His cheeks are flushed with happiness and horniness and Jared can’t help himself but to lean in again. This time the kiss is gentle, loving, and almost tender. It’s a kiss of thanks, worship, and love.

They go into the bedroom and make love tenderly that night, whispers of endearments and love exchanged. They’re gonna be parents.

+

Jensen wakes up the next morning suffused in warmth. His head lies on Jared’s chest and Jared’s arms are around him. He knows Jared is awake from the way he’s trying to keep his breathing steady so he doesn’t wake Jensen and Jensen is hit again with the feeling of love. He kisses the patch of skin right under his lips and scrapes his teeth gently, causing Jared to half shiver and half giggle. Jensen’s mouth tilts up in a smile and Jared holds him tighter. They are content to just lie in bed for a while, not really having any plans.

Jensen is supposed to call his friend back about the script and Jared wanted to look at some new projects but right now, they really want to revel in the knowledge that someday soon, they are going to have a little baby. So they lazily lay there, Jared pulling Jensen up so they can trade kisses and watch TV and have pizza (ignoring the weeks worth of food in the fridge) and have slow, unhurried sex, not having to worry about deadlines or anything.

They need to talk about what they are going to do when the baby is born. They need to discuss who is going to work, because while they both want to stay home, one of them will have to work while one stays home. They had both decided early on that they aren’t going to let work come first and put the baby away with a nanny or their parents. They were going to raise him or her themselves. Jensen didn’t want to go on some movie shoot, but the deadline was coming up and he had to make a decision. He puts that in the back of his mind, though, and just focuses on Jared.

~

Sophia is 8 ½ months pregnant, due at any time. Jensen and Jared go to meet her more often than she comes by, just because they don’t want to put too much strain on her. She’s quite young, younger than both of them at least. And while she would love to keep the baby, she just can’t right now. She does want to be a part of its life one day, and Jared and Jensen don’t mind that. Just as long as she doesn’t take their baby away and she’s promised verbally, and in writing, that she would never do that. And Jared can’t help but believe her.

She gets along well with Jensen, matching him snark for snark and laughs at all of Jared’s lame jokes. She is also a huge tease because she knows the gender of the baby but refuses to say anything; mostly because Jared and Jensen both want it to be a surprise. But she makes little remarks that can go either way like Wow, the baby is a kicker. He is going to be an awesome soccer player one day. Or is it she? Basically, she’s kind of evil.

But Sophia is also extremely kind hearted and genuinely cares for Jared and Jensen too. She told Jared once that she could feel the love in the room and she can’t wait for her baby to experience it. She always remarks on how they’re both going to be amazing parents and Jared sincerely hopes that the baby, boy or girl, gets her grace. Jared and Jensen both feel very lucky to have her as the mother of their future child.

~

The call comes while Jared and Jensen are still lying in bed, caught in the world between sleeping and being awake. Their minds are hazy and they’re not really thinking about much else.

“Hello?” Jensen asks, voice still raspy from sleep.

“Mr. Padalecki-Ackles?” A swift voice asks.

“Yes, this is he,” Jensen says, clearing his throat.

“This is BC Hospital, a Ms. Sophia Riley was admitted early this morning. On her documents it says to notify you of anything that happens.”

Jensen gasps. Sophia is in the hospital?

“Is she okay?” he asks the woman on the phone.

“She’s in pretty bad condition,” she admits, “you need to come down right away.”

Jensen thanks her and ends the call then looks over at Jared who is already looking worried.

“What happened Jensen?” he asks.

“Sophia…she’s in the hospital. And in pretty bad condition.” He can’t say anymore without voicing thoughts of the baby and what could have happened. They both pull on clothes quickly and run to the car. Jensen’s hands are so tight on the steering wheel that his knuckles have turned white. Jared unclenches one of his hands and holds onto it, squeezing and running his fingers along the smooth skin.

Jensen is thankful he has Jared there with him, he couldn’t imagine doing this alone.

They park quickly and rush inside, asking for Sophia Riley at the front desk. Before they can go to her room though, one of the doctors stops them.

“Are you here for Ms. Riley?” He asks.

Jared and Jensen both nod and Jared sticks out his hand.

“Jared and Jensen Padalecki-Ackles. Sophia is carrying our baby.”

The doctor shakes both of their hands with a slight smile but then a frown mars his features.

“I have some news. Ms. Riley fell earlier and the impact could have injured the baby. We have tried everything we can, but because of all the complications, we are going to have to choose between one or the other. And since you are listed on all the documents as who gets to decide, we need you to make this decision. And fast.”

Jensen’s mouth is open in shock and so is Jared’s. Jared’s fingers have found his own and are squeezing for all they’re worth. Jensen can’t mind right now.

He nods at them at walks away and Jensen and Jared glance at each other. It’s the baby, the one they’ve been waiting forever for, or Sophia, the mother. Jensen wants to be selfish, he wants his baby, their baby, but in the end, it’s not really a decision at all.

“Doctor,” he calls out before the doctor has even reached the end of the hall. He turns around and looks at them both.

Jared and Jensen exchange glances and Jared nods at him. Jensen knows Jared can’t speak right now, and he can barely speak himself, throat tight with worry.

“Save Sophia. Please.” His voice breaks on the last word and the doctor nods, calling his team to prepare Sophia to undergo surgery.

Jensen turns around and Jared engulfs him in his arms, both of them not saying a word. They stand like that, just holding on, for what seem like days. Jared leads them over to the waiting room when Jensen’s neck is soaked and so is Jared’s shirt. They sit down and Jensen rests his head on Jared’s shoulder, settling in for a long and tenuous wait.

+

Jared can barely think right now, imagining Sophia dying on the table anyway. They’ve waited so long and Jared doesn’t want to blame her, because logically he knows it wasn’t her fault, but he can’t help it. Their beautiful baby is gone. His own head is resting against Jensen’s and he’s trying to draw comfort from Jensen, but Jensen is quiet. Tears are still silently falling and Jared can’t think of anything that will help. So he just tries to be strong enough for them both.

They sit there, both of them silent, for hours. Jared gets up once or twice to get them both a cup of coffee to keep them awake. But all he gets is a murmur of thanks from Jensen and his heart clenches at the broken tone of voice. He wants to shake Jensen, hold him, talk to him, and make everything better somehow. But he’s hanging by a thread himself and can’t do any of that.

So he paces. Continuously. He’s sure he’s going to be fined for wearing a hole in the floor of the waiting room but he can’t bring himself to care.

The doctor finally comes out of the double doors that lead to the operating room and Jensen and Jared both stand up, waiting for any news. He takes off his mask and there’s a smile on his face. The surgery went well then. Jared feels relieved but he’s still heartbroken about the poor baby.

“I have some excellent news. We were able to save Mommy. And we were able to save her little baby girl too. She’s a tough fighter, she wanted to see the world.”

Jared falls down into his chair at that. They were able to save them both?

The doctor continues though, and Jared snaps his head to pay attention.

“Because of the many complications, she’s going to have to stay in the hospital for a few days. She’s underweight and it’s hard for her to breathe sometimes, but we’ll be putting her on the machines every time she needs the help. She should be in the best of shape within a week or two.”

He then congratulates them both and tells them that they’re welcome to go see them both and Jared just nods dumbly.

Jensen looks down at him, a huge grin lighting up his face. It’s the same grin that reminds Jared of how Jensen must have looked when he was five years old. He falls in love all over again with the man in front of him.

He leans down and kisses Jared softly.

“Let’s go see our daughter, Daddy.”

Jared huffs out a laugh, their daughter.

They go to the room the doctor had said Sophia and the baby would be in and see Sophia upright against the pillow with the baby in her arms, and a scary looking machine by her side. It’s probably the machine the doctor was talking about to help the baby breathe. Sophia is looking down at the baby with a fond smile and Jared suddenly feels a spike of fear. Sophia has a few weeks to decide whether or not she wants to keep the baby, contract or not, and Jared’s scared that she might actually decide to keep it. Jared wouldn’t fault her, being a mom changes you. But when she looks up and sees them, she sends them both a huge grin and holds the baby out for them to hold.

Jared is so relieved that all he wants to do is sleep for days, preferably with Jensen by his side and the baby between them both. He and Jensen near the bed and Jared holds out his arms first, needing to see their little girl.

Jared cradles the baby in his arms as a feeling of awe washes over him because she is his and Jensen's little girl. Jensen comes up behind him and holds his hand under Jared's, cradling her head. He leans up to put his chin on Jared's shoulder and Jared adjusts a little bit so it's comfortable. Their whole world is in his arms now.

+

Jensen looks down at their little baby girl and can’t believe she’s here finally. After months of waiting for someone to pick them and then weeks of waiting for her to be born. Then the hours of being on tenterhooks, thinking they’d lost her. But she’s here and she’s beautiful. Jensen presses a soft kiss against Jared’s neck and stays there, Jared’s back pressed to his chest, and looks down at his daughter.

“Have you decided on a name yet?” Sophia asks softly and Jensen blinks out of his stupor. He forgot all about her for a second. He leans back from Jared and goes to hug her, making sure that Sophia is okay. She bats him away and asks them again. Jared looks up and smiles brilliantly.

“Ella. Her name is Ella.”

Sophia smiles and Jensen smiles back at Jared.

“Ella Sophia Padalecki-Ackles,” he finishes and Sophia gasps.

“But…You…Why?” She says, and Jensen laughs and holds her hand.

“We want her to always have a piece of you. Thank you Sophia, you don’t know how much this means to us.”

She has tears in her eyes and Jensen wipes them away gently. She reaches up to hug him and then tells Jared to bring his big butt over. Jared looks affronted.

“I do not have a big butt. And don’t go saying these things to my daughter, we’ll change her middle name.” But he’s smiling hugely.

He walks over to where Sophia is lying and hands the baby to Jensen, whispering, “Here you go Papa,” in his ear. Jensen shivers at the whisper and then can’t help but smile when he thinks of Ella calling him that one day.

Jared leans over to hug Sophia as well and whispers something in her ear too, probably a thank you, and she’s smiling and blushing when he pulls away.

“You guys, it’s no problem,” she starts. “It’s been an amazing nine months, painful ones sure, but I know that Ella is going to be happy and healthy with both of you as fathers and I’m just thankful I could play a small role in helping you get the kid you deserve. I hope she’s amazing and I know that she will grow up to be that way because of you two.”

Jensen and Jared both blush and all three of them are just content to look down at Ella in Jensen’s arms. She’s just lying there, sleeping and not knowing just how much she means to them.

+

They take her home a few days later, putting her in the newly bought car seat. Jensen sits in the back with her while Jared drives and Jared feels kind of like a chauffer but he’s okay with that. Jensen is cooing at her in the back seat and Jared smiles while he’s driving, looking back in the rear view mirror every now and then.

Her eyes have completely changed to green now, rather than the grayish blue they were when she was born. She also has light brown hair all over the place and she could be definitely be his and Jensen’s even though there isn't a lick of their DNA in her. She will be theirs though, in everything but blood.

Both of them have promised Sophia that they will let her visit all the time. Jared thinks about the house and Ella’s new room. While Sophia and Ella were in the hospital recovering, Jensen and Jared painted the nursery. It’s green with Disney characters everywhere, like some of the princesses, the dwarves, Bambi and Thumper and Flower, and Winnie the Pooh. And Tigger. Because that’s Jared’s favorite. Jensen says it’s because Jared’s bouncy just like him, so Jared asks if Jensen’s Eeyore and Jensen smacks him. They also had fun cleaning up and Jared’s thoughts drift to just how they cleaned up. Soft strokes and gentle kisses and small licks.

They also had to build the crib and Jared swears that they sent fewer parts than necessary. Or else Ikea is the work of the devil. But they found the alleged missing parts and the crib looks awesome too. Jared did go a bit crazy in buying all the stuffed animals, but the stuffed giraffe he had bought what seems like forever ago sits inside her crib.

Jared is really glad that he can drive on autopilot when they reach the house, safe and sound. He parks and unbuckles the seat belt, going to the back and grabbing the car seat. Ella is asleep, the car ride soothing her. They go inside and settle her down by their feet while they sit on the sofa. Jared pulls Jensen into a deep kiss, not quite believe that they are parents now.

~

One Year Later

Jared and Jensen both decide not to make Ella’s birthday a big deal for a variety of reasons, the most prominent one being that she wouldn’t remember it anyway. They still buy her presents and watch her unwrap them.

Jensen thinks of the past year and the four months he left to make that movie. They were the worst four months of his life. He missed Ella and Jared like a phantom limb and decided right then that he would wait until she was older to go make movies. He could wait and Jared was happy to have him back. They’d shoot movies or take small roles in Vancouver in the meantime, unable to be apart from each other and Ella for long.

Her laughter tears him away from his thoughts and Ella looks like she’s having more fun with the shiny wrapping paper.

“Definitely your kid Jared,” Jensen says and Jared elbows Jensen in the side, making Jensen squawk. He elbows him Jared and they’re sitting there fighting like little kids while Ella is playing with her paper.

“Daddy! Papa!”

They both glance at her at that and she’s standing there, hands on her hips with the most adorable expression ever. Jensen just falls more in love with her. She has curly hair that’s an unruly mess no matter what just like her Daddy and bright green eyes like her Papa. She has those freckles that Jensen hates on himself but loves on his daughter and big grin that lights up a room like Jared. She’s kinda shy, like her Papa, at first but then will talk your ear off in her own language, just like her Daddy. She looks exactly like she could be theirs and Jensen can’t believe it sometimes.

Jensen then realizes what she said and glances over at Jared who has his mouth open in shock. Jensen would laugh at the goldfish expression but he’s pretty sure his own face mirrors Jared’s.

He grabs her up and puts her between them and they both tickle her mercilessly, Jensen pressing raspberries against her belly. She shrieks in delight and her giggles are the most beautiful sound ever. Jensen’s become a sap as a dad.

The doorbell rings and Jensen leaves Ella with Jared, both of them breathing hard with laughter and goes to answer the door. Sophia is standing there and Jensen pulls her into a hug.

“Hey Sophia!”

“Hey Jensen,” she says. “I have a present for you and Jared.” She holds out an envelope before Jensen can even ask and Jared picks that moment to come down the hall and follow him, Ella in his arms. Ella waves to Sophia excitedly, bouncing, and Jared hands her over so Sophia can say hi.

Jensen takes the sheaf of papers out of the envelope, Jared peering at them behind him. He reads the first one and gasps then looks up at Jared whose eyes have widened in surprise. They both glance over at Sophia and she smiles.

“Fateful day huh?” she says and Jensen and Jared both crush her and Ella in a huge hug. Ella wriggles, trying to get free and Jensen leans back. Sophia lets her down and she runs off towards her presents. Or the paper.

Jensen glances back at the papers crushed in his hand and smoothes them out. They are the official adoption papers for Ella. She’s finally officially theirs. He pulls Jared down into a kiss, not even caring that Sophia is standing right there. She excuses herself and Jensen surges up to kiss Jared harder, fingers clenched in soft hair and. He nibbles at Jared’s bottom lip and Jared moans as he licks into Jensen’s mouth. They pull apart, panting for air, and Jared leans in to press a chaste kiss against Jensen’s lips.

They walk, hand in hand, back to the living room where Ella, Sophia, and the dogs are all playing together. Jensen can’t wait for the rest of their lives, just like this.


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Tags: kid!fic, rating: r, sweet charity, type: angst, type: humor, type: porn, type: schmoop, verse: five kisses, wc: 5000-10000
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